Brief Overview of Topics covered in “Good Enough Parenting”

INTRODUCTION TO GEP:

1.Parenting Matters

2.The Case for Core Emotional Needs

-Lifetraps, Coping Styles and Domains

-The Foundation of Core Emotional Needs

-How Marriage Affects Parenting

3.The Frustration of Core Emotional Needs

-Unintentional and Subtle

-Moral, Conventional, Personal, Prudential

4.Exasperation Interactions

-Competitiveness & Status Seeking

-Degradation & Rejection

-Emotional Inhibition and Deprivation

-Overprotection & Overindulgence

-Punitiveness

-Controlling

-Why are Lifetraps (Schemas) a Big Deal?

5. Nurturing Interactions

-Autonomy Support

-Emotional Nurturance & Unconditional Love

-Dependability

-Playfulness & Emotional Openness

-Intrinsic Worth

-Autonomy Granting

-Confidence & Competence

 

THE CORE EMOTIONAL NEED FOR CONNECTION AND ACCEPTANCE:

6. Connection and Acceptance

-Connection is Crucial

-Parenting Pioneers

7. The Domain of Disconnection and Rejection

-The Lifetrap of Mistrust/Abuse

-The Lifetrap of Defectiveness/Shame

-The Lifetrap of Emotional Deprivation

-The Lifetrap of Social Isolation/Alienation

-The Lifetrap of Emotional Inhibition

-The Lifetrap of Failure

-Basic Safety Zone

8. Quality Time Takes Time

-The Power of One-on-One

-The Power of Daily Dinners

-The Power of Early Attachment

-The Power of Connect, Work and Play (and Dads Love to Play!)

9. Empathy and Validation of Feelings

-The Benefits of Empathy

-Zero Degrees of Empathy

-Processing Emotions

-Accepting Feelings vs Accepting Behaviour

 

THE CORE EMOTIONAL NEED FOR HEALTHY AUTONOMY AND PERFORMANCE:

10. Healthy Autonomy and Performance

-Autonomy and Self-Esteem

-Autonomy and Motivation

11. The Domain of Impaired Autonomy and Performance

-The Lifetrap of Vulnerability to Harm or Illness

-The Lifetrap of Dependence/Incompetence

-The Lifetrap of Enmeshment/Undeveloped Self

-The Lifetrap of Abandonment/Instability

-The Lifetrap of Subjugation

-The Lifetrap of Negativity/Pessimism

-Basic Safety Zone

12. Age-Appropriate Empowerment

-Provide Age-Appropriate Choices

-Communicate Respect

-Keep Agenda in Check

 

THE CORE EMOTIONAL NEED FOR REASONABLE LIMITS:

13. Reasonable Limits

-Everyone Needs Boundaries

-The Benefits of Self-Control

14. The Domain of Impaired Limits

-The Lifetrap of Entitlement/Grandiosity

-The Lifetrap of Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline

-The Lifetrap of Approval Seeking/Recognition Seeking

-Basic Safety Zone

15. What Inhibits Limits?

-Frequently Seen Bottlenecks

-Needs vs. Wants; Rights vs. Privileges

-Parents’ Expectations

-The Vortex

16. Staying out of the Vortex

a. Give Clear Instructions (with Strategies in Place)

b. Be United

c. Be Optimistic and Encouraging

d. Role Play during Family Time

e. Engage Cooperation

f. Maintain an Excellent Connection

g. Revise the Rules Periodically

h. Give options and a Second Chance

i. Allow Consequences to Take Effect

j. Reconcile with Meaning Attribution and Closure

 

THE CORE EMOTIONAL NEED FOR REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS:

17. Realistic Expectations

-Exaggerated Expectations Are Not the Cure

-The Barrenness of A Busy Life

18. The Domain of Exaggerated Expectations

-The Lifetrap of Unrelenting High Standards

-The Lifetrap of Punitiveness

-The Lifetrap of Self-Sacrifice

-Basic Safety Zone

19. Parental Involvement – Asset of Liability?

-Parents Must Prioritize Their Marriage

-Set Learning-Oriented Goals, Not Performance Oriented Goals

-Focus on Who Your Children Are, Not What They Do; On the Inside, Not the Outside

-Learn to Motivate “Underachievers”

-Learn about Multiple Intelligences and Identify Your Child’s Gifts

-Don’t Let Yourself Jump to the Worst Case Scenario

 

MOVING TOWARDS A HEALTHIER OUTCOME

20. Intrinsic Values and Community

-Intrinsic Values

-Healthy Community

21. Repair and Reconnect

-Healing Comes from Being Vulnerable

-How To Be Vulnerable

-Principles to Consider

-Forgiveness